Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and often, moments of confusion. One of the most common frustrations parents encounter is the feeling of not being able to understand their own child. Whether your child is a toddler, a teenager, or anywhere in between, the struggle to connect and comprehend their thoughts, feelings, and actions can be overwhelming at times. So, why does this happen? And what can you do about it?
The Developmental Lens
Understanding why you might feel disconnected from your child starts with recognizing that children are constantly growing and changing. Their cognitive abilities, emotional maturity, and social skills evolve rapidly, often at different rates. According to Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, children progress through distinct stages of mental growth, with each stage marked by new ways of understanding and interacting with the world. What makes sense to you as an adult may not align with their still-developing perspectives and ways of reasoning, as they navigate these stages of thinking (Piaget, 1972).
Communication Barriers
Communication is key to understanding, but it’s not always straightforward. Children may express themselves through behaviors rather than words, especially when they lack the vocabulary to articulate their thoughts. This can lead to misunderstandings if parents interpret actions without considering the underlying feelings or motivations.
Additionally, generational and cultural gaps can influence communication styles. What was acceptable or expected when you were a child might not apply to your own children today. Bridging these gaps requires patience, active listening, and a willingness to adapt your communication approach.
Embracing Individuality
Every child is unique, with their own temperament, interests, strengths, and challenges. What works for one child may not work for another. It’s essential to recognize and celebrate these differences rather than expecting all children to fit into the same mold or behave in identical ways.
Understanding your child involves getting to know them as an individual, beyond the roles they play (such as son or daughter). Spend quality time together, engage in activities they enjoy, and create opportunities for open conversations. This builds trust and strengthens your connection, making it easier to understand their perspectives and motivations.
Developmental Stages and Transitions
Children go through various developmental stages, each accompanied by its own set of milestones and challenges. From the “terrible twos” to the tumultuous teenage years, these transitions can disrupt your previous understanding of your child’s behavior and preferences.
During these phases, patience and empathy are invaluable. Recognize that temporary setbacks or conflicts are a natural part of growth and learning. Stay attuned to your child’s changing needs and emotions, offering support and guidance as they navigate new experiences.
Seeking Support
If you find yourself consistently struggling to understand your child or feeling overwhelmed by the parenting journey, remember that it’s okay to seek support. Parenting classes, counselling, or joining parent support groups can provide valuable insights and strategies. Sometimes, an outside perspective can offer clarity and new approaches to fostering a deeper connection with your child.
Conclusion
The journey of understanding your child is an ongoing process filled with learning opportunities for both of you. By embracing their uniqueness, navigating communication barriers with empathy, and staying attuned to their developmental stages, you can strengthen your bond and foster a deeper understanding. Remember, no parent-child relationship is perfect, but with patience, love, and willingness to grow together, you can navigate the challenges and joys of parenting more effectively.
Author: Linh Nguyen, B Psychology (Hons), MClinPsych
Linh is a General Psychologist at Vision and M1 Psychology. Her educational background includes a Bachelor of Psychological Science (Hons), and she has completed her Postgraduate Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.
To make an appointment with Linh Nguyen try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call M1 Psychology Loganholme on (07) 3067 9129.
References
References
Piaget, J. (1972). Intellectual evolution from adolescence to adulthood. Human Development, 15(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1159/000271225