One of the most common myths about domestic violence, is that women and children are always the victims.
Are you male?
Have you ever wondered about your relationship?
Do you feel unsafe?
Does your intimate partner use violence?
If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, then you are not alone!
You could be in a domestic violence situation.
You CAN get help.
Common Domestic Violence Myths
- Myth Number One: Only women can be in a Domestic Violence (DV) relationship.
- Fact: Abuse can happen to anyone in any type of relationship.
As many as one in three men can be victims of domestic violence (Mayo Clinic).
- Myth Number Two: It’s not physical violence, so it’s not domestic violence.
- Fact: Domestic violence can take many forms. There DOES NOT have to be physical violence for it to be considered domestic violence. DV is about power and control.
As many as one in fifteen men are stalked by a former partner.
Here is a list of examples of different types of behaviours considered to be family and domestic violence. Are any of these things happening in your relationship?
- Intimate images of you are posted to social media accounts without your consent;
- You notice your ex-partner out at your favourite restaurant or the gym you always go to;
- Your partner has forced you to sell or give up personal possessions that meant a lot to you such as a motorbike or electronics equipment;
- Your hardly see friends or family anymore, and/or your partner doesn’t like them coming over;
- Perhaps your partner has threatened you with not being able to see the children if you don’t do what she asks;
- You feel manipulated into doing things you don’t want to do;
- You partner has forced you to pay for her credit card or telephone bill;
- Your partner belittles your faith or makes it difficult for you to practice your faith.
If you have answered yes to a few of these things, you need to seek help now!
- Myth Number Three: It’s my fault.
- Fact: It can be common to be confused about this and feel embarrassed. You may feel that your partner may manipulate you into yelling or acting out, then use this as proof that you’re violent.
If this is you: Think about your relationship. Can you notice any patterns of behaviour for either of you?
Which one of you is being abusive?
Remember: DV is dangerous, it can be deadly, and you need to seek help!
- Myth Number Four: No one will believe me, what can I do?
- Fact: People will believe you.
What to do:
- In an emergency ring 000.
- Ensure you and your children are safe.
- Start small and tell a trusted friend or family member or colleague. The first time you tell someone it could be difficult but persist and seek help.
- Keep your phone charged and on you with location devices switched off.
- Talk to your doctor, social worker or psychologist who are trained to help you.
- Ring a helpline like Mensline or 1800Respect or your Employment Assistance Provider if you have one.
- Know where all your personal documents are and keep them in a secure place.
- Keep records of events or take photos of injuries.
- Develop a safety plan for you and the children or consult with someone who can help you with this.
- Consult with Police, a legal service, helpline such as Family Relationships Advice Line or review websites that will give you facts on separation, custody rights.
Remember: You don’t have to suffer in silence. In an emergency always ring 000.
Other Useful Numbers:
- Mensline – DV Connect: 1800 600 636 – 9am – midnight 7 days.
- 1800 Respect: 1800 737 732 – 24 hours a day 7 days.
- Family Relationships Advice Line: 1800 050 321.
Author: Maree Stevens, BAdVocEd; GCert Sp Ed; M SocWk; M HumServ; GDipCouns; GCert MentalHlthPrac.
Maree is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker with several years’ experience counselling males impacted by domestic violence, including child support issues and family custody issues. She is so passionate about support for victims of family and domestic violence that she volunteers her time to support homeless families impacted by FDV through St Vincent De Paul.
Maree is also currently participating in a project with the Queensland Government regarding Family Violence training options for generalist services.
To make an appointment try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call Vision Psychology Brisbane on (07) 3088 5422.
- Australian Bureau of Statistics’ (ABS) 2016 Personal Safety Survey (PSS 2016).
- ANROWS. Key Statistics Violence Against Women https://d2rn9gno7zhxqg.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/19025921/Violence-Against-Australian-Women-Key-Statistics-6-pages-revised_v.2014.11.12.pdf